Officeboard

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit....
Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

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Dagmar

I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere!

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She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime

Die ersten 2 verstehe ich nicht aber danach

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Caro

Zum Glück sind Sie Ingenieur! Bei Ihrem Taktgefühl wären Sie ein lausiger Psychiater ... (Kirk zu Scottie in "Treffen der Generationen")

Natürlich komm ich in die Hölle...sogar mit V.I.P.-Bändchen und Freigetränk!

Sekretärin, wenn Du nach Speyer kommst, erkläre ich es Dir

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Dagmar

I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere!