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Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across the campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fitted."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these people? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in,
"I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The priest said,
"Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George, what's
the matter that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group
Of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from
a Fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group
was silent for a moment. Then the priest said, "That's so sad. I think I
will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good
idea.
And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist friend and see if there is
anything He can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude
and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse
me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago,
but I don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air
balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between
40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west
longitude." "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am,"
replied the woman,
"How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you
told me is, technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your
information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been
much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied
The balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot
air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you
expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in
exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow,
it's my fault."
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons.
Civil Engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Normal people ... believe that if it isn't broken, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it isn't broken, it doesn't have enough
features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" Replied the architect and artist. "Yeah. If you have a wife and
A mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other
woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
One day, an engineer was crossing a road when a frog called out to him
And said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up
again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took
the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've
told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look. I'm
an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now
that's cool."
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(Quarkschneggle)
